Me and my Halo Mountain Dew Adventure

By vysethebold . August 25, 2007 . 6:09pm

I wanted to write my first post be about something monumental.  So I thought to myself, "Why not make it about a new flavor of Mountain Dew" I mean those just don't come around every month.  Okay, maybe about one per year, but still.  I mean just how often do I get to review the most extreme soft drink ever on a video game news blog?

The thing about Mountain Dew is that you are either one of those people that detests it (and would rather pick the crab juice) or you are one of those people that loves it.  I am a member of the latter group.  I've tried every single Mountain Dew flavor out there from "classic," Code Red, and even the Taco Bell exclusive Baja Blast.  I even drink the Mountain Dew flavored energy drink Amp when I'm gaming all night or cramming for exams.  I've even argued to the point of physical violence over if the drink is better from a can or bottle.  As much as I love Mountain Dew, though, I had my doubts about the Halo-themed Game Fuel flavor.  I mean, most licensed games are terrible, why should licensed soft drinks be any different?  Well… except for Hi-C's Ectocooler.  Nobody messes with Slimer.  Well anyway, I wanted to see if the flavor as well as the "game fueling" abilities were up to snuff.  Luckily I had just bought an Xbox 360 and a bunch of games earlier in the day, so it was the perfect time to try this stuff out.  Here is a log I kept of my experience with Game Fuel last night:

7:00 PM

I'm on my way to the local convenience store and anxiously wanting to get back to Bioshock.  I walk in and grab two 20 oz. bottles of Game Fuel.  As I come to the counter to pay for my drinks, a baggy pantsd Asian Gen-X-er, that I'll now refer to as Funky Fresh to protect the innocent (you the reader, not him), garbed in an Xbox 360 shirt and hat crashes through the door.  "Yo's, I gots to get my game ON!  Where some more o’ dat Halo Juice at?!  Not that I need it just, just gib me it!" he exclaimed.  The clerk gave me one of those looks like, "I hate my life."  I replied with a face that said, "Yeah, I feel yah, man.  How much are the Slim Jims?"  So I leave the store with my Game Fuel, leaving the clerk helplessly alone with Funky Fresh, with Bioshock on my mind and little else.

7:15 PM

I arrive home and get ready to do my control (i.e. play the game before I drink the stuff).  I stick in Gears of War and play it for the first time since I played it about half a year ago.  I play a couple of the single player missions to get a handle on the game again.  A few minutes later I feel comfortable enough to go on Xbox Live and play a few matches.  I win a couple matches but, I'll admit I lost most of my matches horribly.  I should have known better than to mess with a shooter that's been out for so long.  My final match is pissing me off, though.  This guy keeps murdering me while talking over the ear piece and kept yelling things like, "You been PIZOWNED!" and "I rizzock!"  I was pretty irritated at this point but as he wins he exclaims "Thank you, beautiful Halo Juice.  You kept my game TIGHT tonight!"  I come to a slow realization: that guy is Funky Fresh and he just beat me.  There's no way I'm going to let a guy like him beat me.  I knew then and there: he was not going to get away with this.

My final pre-Game Fuel tally:

Wins: 3

Losses: 10

To be continued…

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