Hey, I just got home! Yeah, sorry I couldn’t call sooner. This last job I was on had some surprisingly strict security. Where? Oh, I thought I told you. PowerWash sent me to this place called Midgar… that Final Fantasy VII place, to do some work for Shinra.
Yes, I know Shinra is an evil, capitalist corporation responsible for the deaths and downfalls of thousands of innocent people. I mean, what company isn’t at this point? If I start narrowing things down to employers who aren’t actively doing harm, I’ll never work. Besides, $75 to wash one motorcycle and one car in a swanky, climate-controlled place when it’s 32 degrees out and eggs are $4 a carton? A girl’s gotta eat.
Besides, it really wasn’t that bad. The Head of Urban Development let me into the Shinra Electric Power Company headquarters and let me into the showroom. Needed me to clean off a standard Shinra Model sA-37 Hauler and one of those new Hardy Daytona prototypes. Both were a real mess. Like with the Hauler, you could tell it was a used model. Had to blast off the remnants of old work logos, even.
Once I finally got it clean, I could see the headlights were on, but I doubt it was functional. Like that seemed like more of an antique piece at this point. Straightforward stuff. Though I will say the exhaust pipes were, pardon my language, a bitch to clean. I had to go through three different nozzles trying to get into the holes and inner workings.
Soap? No, I’m not going to use soap on that one. It’d be a waste of money and, like, even though this is a major potential client, I’m not going to waste product.
Besides, the Hardy Daytona was way more intricate and needed it. That test model was gorgeous. There are so many details to it. There were so many times when I’d step back, look, and be like, “Okay, this is only 98% done. But I can’t see any dirt on that tire or kickstand.” The soap and the wide angle nozzles were a godsend.
Oh, yeah. You know that Urban Development guy I told you about? The one who hired me. Honestly, Reeve Tuesti seemed like a decent dude, for Shinra. I figured I’d be stuck with security babysitting me, since like Hardy Daytonas are a big deal. But he was cool. Left me to my business. Checked in every once in a while with a text. Seemed like he’s genuinely proud of the Hauler and bike, honestly. Wasn’t condescending or anything, even though he probably makes more in a year that I have in my life.
Ask him out? No, I’m not going to ask him out. I’ll work for a company filled with psychopathic mass murderers, but I’m not going to date them.
Especially after the second gig.
Yeah, I got even more work from Shinra after I did so well with the Hardy Daytona and Hauler. That… I mean, it was terrifying.
You’re not going to tell anyone about this, right?
This is Shinra. Do you get that? Hell, given their reach, they’re probably listening right now. Hey, Mr. Investigation Sector of the General Affairs Department Agent, I really love your suits!
Okay. But this stays here.
The head of Public Safety hired me to clean off one of its mechs. Called it a “Scorpion Sentinel.” Had a bunch of legs and a laser on a tail, like a scorpion. Now this dude I could just tell is an asshole. His name was Heidegger. While that Tuesti was all personable and polite, it felt like every text from Heidegger was a threat. Like he mentioned how I “probably” was safe and wouldn’t get hurt. All proud of his weapons, but not like in the wholesome way Tuesti was. Like creepy.
I… I don’t think there was any blood on it? It… I don’t want to think about that. I was…
I definitely saw Mako, which is weird. Especially… exposure to that can get you sick, right? I had my suit on, but…
Anyways.
I’m trying to rationalize this. Like, “No big deal. For over $100, I can clean the murder machine!”
Except it’s on.
That. Idiot. Left. The. Damn. Scorpion. Sentinel. On.
I nearly fainted when the damn thing looked at me.
It’s not funny! I could have died! Maybe!
Anyways, allegedly it was so I could move the arms on it to get all of the angles while cleaning it. Said it was the same reason a step stool and scaffolding was nearby.
But I did not expect that as I had to get into all the nooks and crannies and clean that up. Which, by the way, was way harder than I expected. Like I deserved another couple hundred for that, because I was parkouring all around that robot. Worst jungle gym ever. I kept analyzing the situation, checking my tablet, and thinking, “How is this only 95% clean?” Nightmare.
Oh… I’ve got to go. Yeah, I have another job. This woman named Tifa from the Sector 7 Slums hired me to clean up her bar. Ever hear of Seventh Heaven? Yeah, I hear it’s nice. It’ll be good to work for an ordinary person after dealing with Shinra.
Later!
PowerWash Simulator is available for the PS4, PS5, Switch, Xbox One, Xbox Series X, and PC. The PowerWash Simulator Final Fantasy VII Midgar Special Pack DLC will be out on March 2, 2023.
