Square Enix Goes Savage On Themselves With “Diss Tracks” For Samurai Rising’s Failure

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Square Enix went with a totally bizarre and catchy way of apologizing to fans for their smartphone title Samurai Rising’s failure to meet expectations with a series of savage “diss tracks” for their own game.


Samurai Rising was first announced as an “ultimate action RPG” for smartphones, and it looked pretty promising with plenty of traditional Final Fantasy job classes and many familiar skills that appeal to fans of the series.



However, as you can see, fans weren’t too pleased about the game with it currently sitting at 2/5 rating.


Two diss track videos have been released so far, and here’s my best attempt at getting down what our guest rapper Ace and the guy representing Samurai Rising’s staff are going on about [just pretend that it all rhymes and sounds cool]:


The first track is called “Tomurai Rising” (Tomurai meaning “mourning”).


Rapper: We waited, and expected, and the time finally arrived. Square Enix is about the big masterpieces, but Samurai Rising was just a big letdown. What are you going to do about it, Mr. boss? What’s with this rarity of a shit game? The damage to our expectations isn’t away. I’m not letting go until I know your solution, so why don’t we hear your word right here and right now?


Square Enix: I’m very sorry!


The second track is titled “Uncute Rising.”


Rapper: The characters aren’t even cute, not even a bit. Just a bunch of ruggedness, not even cool. When you say “samurai,” “Japanese spirit” comes to mind, but all I see is 90% decoration. Of course that’ll make us want to blame you, inhumanly as can be. A dark past, more like dark history. You made it cheaply with your satisfied ego, right?


Square Enix: So we changed the appearances of the characters. Cuter, and cooler! We made them into characters that can be loved by everyone! We’re doing our best. Um, we also added 2D illustrations! So please try it out again! Ace-san! Yo…


The video ends with a message saying “Can’t even rap or make characters. Samurai Rising currently in the midst of self-remorse.”


Samurai Rising is currently available in Japan for iOS and Android.

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Gamer, avid hockey fan, and firm believer in the heart of the cards.