High-ranking military officer: Hello. Thanks for coming.

Pilot: What is it that you need me for?

Officer: Well, let me make it as simple as possible… the Pentagon has learned of an incoming attack… by aliens.

Pilot: Aliens?

Officer: Yes, aliens. Apparently, they’ve reached the limit that rectal probing can teach them, and are assaulting earth with huge numbers of ships within a matter of hours.

Pilot: And you need my help why exactly?

Officer: Because you’re the best pilot there is. We’ve researched every pilot from every air force of every country on this planet, and none can compare to you.

Pilot: Now, come on, you know that I know that that’s not true.

Officer: Fine. You’re the only one that returned our calls. Happy?

Pilot: Very.

Officer: Now, can you do it or not?

Pilot: Hold on… why am I the only one who is going against this whole army of clearly superior ships? Why not send, say, “every air force of every country on this planet?”

Officer: Simple: gas prices. Gas prices have been going up a lot lately, and we simply can’t afford to spend that much to fuel the planes.

Pilot: The government can’t give you more money to save the freaking earth from an alien invasion?

Officer: Nope. Remember the International Debt Treaty of 2014? All countries paid off their debts to other countries, and agreed to never get themselves in such debts again. Since the US paid off its 12 trillion dollar debt, fundage has been slim indeed. Not to mention the backfiring of the whole campaign finance reform debacle…

Pilot: Perfect. One plane against a fleet of ships. I’m toast.

Officer: Not necessarily. We’ve been working on a new type of ship in Area 51, dubbed the “T-689738675,” based on the alien craft that crashed in Roswell decades ago. It’s capable of firing laser-like shots a seemingly infinite amount, as well as a few of what we’re calling “smart bombs” that will instantly destroy all enemy craft in sight.

Pilot: What are its defense capabilities?

Officer: Well… that’s where the T-689738675 comes a little short.

Pilot: Wonderful.

Officer: Based on our research of the enemy’s firepower, one shot of anything will explode it into many tiny pieces.

Pilot: So I really don’t have a shot in hell.

Officer: I wouldn’t go that far. Our research has also shown that shots fired from their ships go very, very slow, while ours go quite fast. You should be able to weave through enemy fire with some skillful maneuvering.

Pilot: But, I’m still dead in one hit.

Officer: It’s not that simple. We’ve also developed a new device that lets us transport you into a new T-689738675 as soon as you’re hit.

Pilot: And how many times can you do this?

Officer: Three. Then we need to put in another 50 cents.

Pilot: Should I even ask?

Officer: No.

Pilot: All right. How much of the budget do we have left, anyway?

Officer: Three dollars.

Pilot: Three dollars?!

Officer: I told you money was tight.

Pilot: You’re not kidding.

Officer: I’m not. One more thing: the T-689738675 is initially strong, but we think it can get stronger. We have hopes that as you shoot down enemy craft, items will fly out that you can fly over and upgrade your ship. We call these hypothetical things “power-ups.”

Pilot: Hopes?

Officer: Yes. We have no way of knowing that these things will fly off of these ships, but it’d be nice, wouldn’t it?

Pilot: Yes, yes, it’d be very nice. This is sounding better and better.

Officer: I detect a hint of sarcasm.

Pilot: Then you’re not looking very hard; there’s a veritable load of it.

Officer: Anyway, will you do it?

Pilot: Sure, what the hell.

Officer: Good. The world thanks you.

Pilot: They’d better.

…so you see, a well-written RPG like Oblivion is just the change of pace I need.

High-ranking military officer: Hello. Thanks for coming.

Pilot: What is it that you need me for?

Officer: Well, let me make it as simple as possible… the Pentagon has learned of an incoming attack… by aliens.

Pilot: Aliens?

Officer: Yes, aliens. Apparently, they’ve reached the limit that rectal probing can teach them, and are assaulting earth with huge numbers of ships within a matter of hours.

Pilot: And you need my help why exactly?

Officer: Because you’re the best pilot there is. We’ve researched every pilot from every air force of every country on this planet, and none can compare to you.

Pilot: Now, come on, you know that I know that that’s not true.

Officer: Fine. You’re the only one that returned our calls. Happy?

Pilot: Very.

Officer: Now, can you do it or not?

Pilot: Hold on… why am I the only one who is going against this whole army of clearly superior ships? Why not send, say, “every air force of every country on this planet?”

Officer: Simple: gas prices. Gas prices have been going up a lot lately, and we simply can’t afford to spend that much to fuel the planes.

Pilot: The government can’t give you more money to save the freaking earth from an alien invasion?

Officer: Nope. Remember the International Debt Treaty of 2014? All countries paid off their debts to other countries, and agreed to never get themselves in such debts again. Since the US paid off its 12 trillion dollar debt, fundage has been slim indeed. Not to mention the backfiring of the whole campaign finance reform debacle…

Pilot: Perfect. One plane against a fleet of ships. I’m toast.

Officer: Not necessarily. We’ve been working on a new type of ship in Area 51, dubbed the “T-689738675,” based on the alien craft that crashed in Roswell decades ago. It’s capable of firing laser-like shots a seemingly infinite amount, as well as a few of what we’re calling “smart bombs” that will instantly destroy all enemy craft in sight.

Pilot: What are its defense capabilities?

Officer: Well… that’s where the T-689738675 comes a little short.

Pilot: Wonderful.

Officer: Based on our research of the enemy’s firepower, one shot of anything will explode it into many tiny pieces.

Pilot: So I really don’t have a shot in hell.

Officer: I wouldn’t go that far. Our research has also shown that shots fired from their ships go very, very slow, while ours go quite fast. You should be able to weave through enemy fire with some skillful maneuvering.

Pilot: But, I’m still dead in one hit.

Officer: It’s not that simple. We’ve also developed a new device that lets us transport you into a new T-689738675 as soon as you’re hit.

Pilot: And how many times can you do this?

Officer: Three. Then we need to put in another 50 cents.

Pilot: Should I even ask?

Officer: No.

Pilot: All right. How much of the budget do we have left, anyway?

Officer: Three dollars.

Pilot: Three dollars?!

Officer: I told you money was tight.

Pilot: You’re not kidding.

Officer: I’m not. One more thing: the T-689738675 is initially strong, but we think it can get stronger. We have hopes that as you shoot down enemy craft, items will fly out that you can fly over and upgrade your ship. We call these hypothetical things “power-ups.”

Pilot: Hopes?

Officer: Yes. We have no way of knowing that these things will fly off of these ships, but it’d be nice, wouldn’t it?

Pilot: Yes, yes, it’d be very nice. This is sounding better and better.

Officer: I detect a hint of sarcasm.

Pilot: Then you’re not looking very hard; there’s a veritable load of it.

Officer: Anyway, will you do it?

Pilot: Sure, what the hell.

Officer: Good. The world thanks you.

Pilot: They’d better.

…so you see, a well-written RPG like Oblivion is just the change of pace I need.

Muhahahaha they will never suspect it, it will be perfect….. ill start with the old ones… intellivison… atari 26…. ill work my way up, gathering cartridges to invade the pc, after the pc falls under my control, all i have to do is declare war on macs, and the other consoles should surrender…. if they dont i can always work my way up.

I will start by charging with a squadren of 25-nes controllers in their sheer glory, i will engage b-17 bombing with the intellivoices! i will flank them to the east with memory cards, to the west, battery backups. once the xbox 360 is captured, i can add wireless controllers and plate armor to my forces, my PLANS SHALL NOT FAIL!!!!!

MR.JAMESTON!! NOOO! DONT ATTACK THE MERRY-GO-ROUND! ITS A TRAP! THEY HAVE TOO MUCH SKOOMA!! NOOO!!!!!!! RUn!!!! RETREAT! REGROUP TO THE PLAYSTATION 2!! THE REBELS ARE STARTING A REVOLUTIOn!!! OH ITS HORRIBLE!! THE GUNS!! THE KATANAS!!! COUNTER-ATTACK!! COUNTER ATTACK!!!! USE COPY-CAT ABILITIES PRODUCE CHEAP KNOCK-OFFS! QUICKLY!!! BEGIN WORK ON FINAL FANTASY XXIIIVIXVIXIVIXIVXIVIXIV!!

SEND FOR THE DREAMCAST! WE NEED REINFORCEMENTS!