Dead or Alive Paradise Has “Creepy Voyeurism”, Says The ESRB

By Spencer . February 3, 2010 . 3:24am

imageAs expected, Dead or Alive Paradise is rated “M” for mature. You would expect a game this ridiculous to come with a hilarious descriptions of “deep cleavage”, but the ESRB wrote something unusually dry.

 

The author picked apart the game and questioned, somewhat seriously, if Dead or Alive Paradise accurately portrays what women want. Of course, it doesn’t. Dead or Alive Paradise has tasteless pool hopping mini-games. Anyway, here is Dead or Alive Paradise, as seen through the lens of the ESRB.

 

This is a video game in which users watch grown women dressed in G-string bikinis jiggle their breasts while on a two-week vacation. Women’s breasts and butts will sway while playing volleyball, while hopping across cushions, while pole dancing, while posing on the ground, by the pool, on the beach, in front of the camera. There are other activities: Users can gamble inside a casino to win credits for shopping; they can purchase bathing suits, sunglasses, hats, clothing at an island shop; they can "gift" these items to eight other women in hopes of winning their friendship, in hopes of playing more volleyball. And as relationships blossom from the gift-giving and volleyball, users may get closer to the women, having earned their trust and confidence: users will then be prompted to zoom-in on their friends’ nearly-naked bodies, snap dozens of photos, and view them in the hotel later that night.

 

Parents and consumers should know that the game contains a fair amount of "cheesy," and at times, creepy voyeurism—especially when users have complete rotate-pan-zoom control; but the game also contains bizarre, misguided notions of what women really want (if given two weeks, paid vacation, island resort)—Paradise cannot mean straddling felled tree trunks in dental-floss thongs.

 

That last paragraph is almost… philosophical. Can Paradise mean straddling felled tree trunks in dental-floss thongs?


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  • malek86

    What did they say about the first two DOAX games?

    I mean, I don’t expect this to be any different.

    • http://twitter.com/JKTrix Trix Rich

      ESRB didn’t do these kinds of descriptions (or at least we didn’t have as easy access to them) when the other DOAX games came out.

      Besides, the DOAX games at least had the pretense of the girls being there to play volleyball. This game is purely about the ogling.

  • keriaku

    Maybe they’re all really nudists, and you’re slowly but surely giving them what they really want.

    A vacation where they can be free from the restraints of clothing.

  • http://denpanosekai.blogspot.com denpanosekai

    DENTAL-FLOSS THONG

    • Chow

      DENTAL-FLOSS THONG

      • StealthKnight

        You might as well go naked if dental floss is the only .01% coverage that you have. Maybe it is xtreme thick dental floss made for giants

  • http://thestoppableforce.net/ stoppableforce

    I …. okay, it’s weird. I played the first DOAXVB. I distinctly remember it being pretty stupid – the minigames were entertaining for a while, the volleyball was a bit simplistic (and eventually gave me a sore spot on my thumb – thanks a lot, 1st generation Xbox controllers), and the voyeurism WAS kinda creepy.

    And yet, I can’t help thinking that I’m going to end up buying this game.

  • Equus

    Wow…that description kinda cracks me up.

  • http://twitter.com/JKTrix Trix Rich

    It looks like ESRB changed the description now, since it contained ‘improperly subjective language’ (http://www.gamepro.com/article/news/213837/esrb-clarifies-rating-for-dead-or-alive-paradise/)

    • Hraesvelgr

      Makes sense. While I don’t think anyone will deny that it’s true, these things are supposed to be objective.

  • David Macphail

    Too bad they had to go and make it a PSP exclusive. Can you imagine this game with PS3 visuals? Somebody make it happen!

    If not……then at least give us DOA 5.

    • SlashZaku

      Even a fighting DOA on PSP would have been nice but like you, I’d prefer it gracing the PS3 (DOA4H?). Will have to wait for DOA5 I guess.

  • http://modorenai.livejournal.com/ modorenai

    Dry? I would say it’s more dry humour than dry since I thought this was pretty hilarious. :p

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