Manage A School Of Sentient Pineapples In No Pineapple Left Behind

By Chris Priestman . September 14, 2014 . 11:00am

 

Ever go to school with a pineapple? If you answered “yes” to that question, I’m guessing that an evil wizard must have also turned up at your school and turned all the kids into pineapples. That’s what happens in No Pineapple Left Behind, at least.

 

This wacky school management game has you playing as the principal of a school of pineapples based in Boston. It’s the next game from Neocolonialism developer Subaltern Games.

 

“Pineapples are very simple. All they do is take tests and get grades. If they get good grades, the school gets more money,” writes founder of Subaltern Games Seth Alter.

 

The idea, then, is to ensure that all of the pineapples stay in line. If you don’t, it’s possible that they’ll sneak off and turn back into children. As you know, children are much more complicated than pineapples, and therefore not easy for the school to make money from.

 

Yes, there is a slight dig at the school system here; it turns out that Alter considers No Pineapple Left Behind to be a response to his old teaching job.

 

An alpha trailer for No Pineapple Left Behind was recently released and you can watch it at the top of this article. If you’re after more information on No Pineapple Left Behind then you can turn to the developer’s website.


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  • Hilarious. I hope this turns out. I am not a teacher (I haven’t got the mettle), but I do work in the school system as a counselor.

    • ネオフォトン ~ Neo

      Hah, I work as a substitute teacher, so it’s close. Can’t tell you the number of times students tried to pull fast ones one me in hopes that I’m ignorant to their class rules.

      ….But a pineapple is something else.

      • Substitute teacher!! That requires even more mettle!

  • Liamv2

    Wat

    • Derek E Nay

      The exact response that they wanted.

  • Alicemagic

    Why can’t you date them? Amateur hour around here.

    • Warboss Aohd

      because this is a western dev making a Strategy game?

      • But students will be able to date each other!

        • Alicemagic

          I apologize then. Preordered fifty copies and told me mum.

  • raygunner659

    I’m reminded of those videos we had to watch in French class so many years ago. With that weird talking pineapple. *shivers*

    • L’ananas ne parle pas!

      • darke

        Ceci n’est pas un ananas.

        • Good old Téléfrançais! :P

    • Pineapples in our game must learn “Cantaloupian” as a foreign language:
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KBA4SIMdWWU

      • raygunner659

        If he had been a pineapple with a face, hands and feet, that part with the conjugations would’ve been more or less those particular French classes.

        So is the history taught about the first Cantaloupes and Pineapples to settle in the new land of Tropicania? On that note, it’s not a very diverse population with just Pineapples is it?. Or maybe all the Cantaloupes just like to attend Cantaloupian Immersion schools. What would their sports teams be called? Okay, I’ll show myself out.

        • Guest

          re: Cantaloupian, it is probably like all of the middle school foreign language classes I have ever heard of: devoid of context and mostly about grammar.

          re: diversity: No, it is very homogeneous. I am hoping to put something in the game where parents complain that the school is discriminating against raspberries or something.

          re: sports: Their sport is called Fruitbol. It involves humans throwing pineapples at each other over a volleyball net. The team is the Rutherford B. Hayes Pomegranates.

        • re: history, no, probably just like most middle school foreign language classes, it will be devoid of context and mostly about grammar.

          re: Diversity, no, and I think there will be a thing about how the school can be accused to be discriminating against raspberries or whatever.

          re: sports teams, it is the Rutherford B. Hayes Pomegranates. They play Fruitbol, which involves children throwing pineapples at each other over a volleyball net.

          • darke

            Why not dates instead of raspberries? Historically they’re a staple food of the middle east so would nicely tie into certain reactionary politics globally at the moment; but perhaps that’s a little too soon. >.<

            Plus it's punny with the multiple uses of 'date' in different context. :P

          • Yeah, I think I’m more likely to go with raspberries because, like pineapples, they are not especially symbolic of any particular group of real people.

  • Göran Isacson

    As the brother of someone who is a teacher, I sometimes wonder if she too wouldn’t prefer teaching a class of pineapples every now and then, if they are as obedient as this game makes them out to be. I guess the mechanics is that you have to give a pineapple tutoring/answer it’s questions in order to ensure it gets a good grade thereby netting you more cash, but also balance your time among the pineapples because if they don’t get any help they wander off and become unruly children. Sounds like fun, throw in a couple of special events that change up the rules every now and then, increase/decrease the challenge and you have a fun little game with a depressing message.

    • Yeah, pineapples are in fact way easier to teach than children. Children are only manageable in a facility that properly equips teachers with training, supplies, etc.

      • Göran Isacson

        MAN that sounds like a total drag that costs a lot of money, emotional investment and time. Can’t you instead have like, a mini-game where pine-apples are falling down and if you line some of them that are rotten (the ones with bad grades or who may be on the verge of turning into children, of course) then they disappear onto, say, a bus that sends them to another school? Bam, your school’s grades goes way up and you earn more money! Granted, cleaning up the bad pineapples would lead to them eventually being replaced, and then it’s back to square one again…

        • We have a system similar to that already. The budget is determined by the school’s average grade per classroom. So, it becomes advantageous to group all of the “bad” pineapples into one classroom (ta da! welcome to special ed!) But we hadn’t thought of making any “rotten” pineapples before…

          Similarly, dragging a pineapple out of a classroom and off the map removes them from the school. We haven’t implemented this feature though, and we are still unsure of how to best balance it.

  • Seems like a funny and astute concept at first, but I sense a slightly heavyhanded political agenda at work here…

    > Neocolonialism
    > Subaltern Games

    Okay, make that EXTREMELY heavyhanded.

    • OK, we will do it!
      –The Devs

      • Well if you guys are here in the ring, then let me ask in all seriousness: I’m curious how you settled on the “Subaltern” name? That’s a fairly obscure concept from the depths of postcolonial theory, while your body of work seems to be more focused on critiques of capitalism more familiar to (so to speak) mainstream left-wing politics.

        Also: it looks like you put some actual research into aspects of the American public school system to satirize; what were some of your sources?

        • re: “subaltern”, I have a B.A. in history, and the company was originally founded within those “depths” you speak of. Also, it is a pun on my name.

          re: research, a lot of it is my first-hand experience, following the news, and consulting with the many teachers that I am in touch with.

          • Thanks for answering. If I can ask another question or two while I have your time (since the opportunity to converse directly with devs in a small, not-overcrowded forum is pretty rare):

            What made you interested in making games themed around political satire? Do you think it’s hard to sustain humor and satirical sharpness within the structure of a game, as compared to the brevity and passive audience reception of a film, novel or essay? At the end of the day, do you think you prioritize the mechanics of the game, or the point you’re trying to make?

          • re: conversing, most folks I know actually really like it when you email them too!

            I think most games that attempt to do this do so poorly (this is less true since I began making games in 2012). I am partially making games as a way of provoking others into designing something similar.

            A key piece of my design philosophy is to never “fit” a message into my game–this is where I think most similar projects go awry. Instead, I pick options that I think video games are optimally suited for. NPLB, for example, is all about treating kids as statistics, which is really easy to do in a game and harder to explain elsewhere.

            (I also think some topics are really UNSUITED for video games, and are best expressed in some other way)

            I try to make my mechanics and my message synonymous. If you realize that cycling through poorly-paid, inexperienced teachers is a useful way to balance the budget, then you’ve already learned something.

  • John Smith

    The goal of the game is to train your pineapples to fight the evil scourge known as SpongeBob

  • Ryudo9

    I am at this point I realize many indie devs are at this HEY LOOK AT ME stage were the whoever can put the most random shit idea in one game wins. Enough with this call for attention games FFS.

    • darke

      Having had to suffer the hype the most recent brown-coloured shooter (Destiny), I much, much, much prefer the “look as this random shit!” style of marketing from the indies, then the “look how much cooler our brown shit is!” marketing from the AAA crowd.

      At least the indies don’t have enough to cash to pay every gaming website to slather themselves with ads and coverage of their games.

      • Yeah, right now we’re trying to spread the word for two reasons. First, because we’re actually really excited about the project and want to share some joy with the Internet. :) Second, that we’re actually going to crowdfund next week (!) and articles like this are the only preemptive form of “advertising” that we can expect. It’s very important for the long-term prospects of the project that some people know about the game before we begin to crowdfund.

  • ..TF!?

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