If you’re single and lonely then it’s inevitable. Either you’re going to start dating people (and slowly realize the horror that is dating other singles) or you’ll submit to a life of celibacy. But there is another option. You can date pugs.
Not just any pugs. Pretty pooches with names like Celery. All you have to do is boot up Hot Date, which you can download for a price of your choosing (yes, that includes for free), and then you can have a romantic evening with a pug.
You play Hot Date by selecting from a multitude of questions. The pug opposite you, beyond the romantic candelabra and rosewood table, will answer these questions and hopefully you two fill find a connection. But if you don’t then you can easily just reload the game and date another pug that you may suit better.
If that still doesn’t work out and you’re still feeling lonely then, I dunno, go get yourself an actual pug for company. Just look after it properly and it’ll probably return the love with sloppy kisses.